Relationships

relationships

A relationship is simply a one-on-one human connection. At its very core it involves sharing of hearts and minds. A good one can transform your life, but a bad one can destroy it – if you allow it to. A relationship is directly proportional to the amount of energy each person exerts and it must be 50/50 to be a healthy relationship. It cannot be 49/51 – or there will be problems. It is possible to maintain a healthy relationship without yelling at one another. Relationships should be win/win and not win/lose. Eventually win/lose will lead to lose/lose results over a matter of time. Healthy relationships are born from win/win choices. You surround yourself with either givers or takers. Givers want to help you by creating win/win scenarios. Takers only want win/lose from you. They are known for “sucking the life out of you.” When you’re making any kind of decision in your life, don’t forget that it’s important to build relationships with people who will help you win.

Journal Prompt:
Reflect on who you are and be honest. Are you a giver or a taker? Evaluate your relationships. Who are the givers and takers?

Peer Pressure

peer-pressure

We cannot condemn our kids for making bad choices if we haven’t prepared them to make good ones. Parents have to be one step ahead of the game in order to interrupt the plans of the enemy on their child’s heart. Guarding your own hear is not easy, and guarding your child’s heart is even harder. We need to teach our kids how to separate from those who continually disrespect their wishes, and to separate from those friends who continually make bad choices. Teach you kids that the enemy is not just someone who looks bad. The enemy can be a friend, and it can be yourself. Our own free will can get us into trouble. Parents ask me: “What’s the key to success in order to keep my kids out of the drug world?” First, I say there are no guarantees, but a good foundation of God, steady trust, and flow of conversation is important. Are you spending time with your kids? Kids live in the world of technology. Their communication skills are ZERO. They live in their head and express themselves via texts, email, and Facebook. They can organize a party of 150 from five different schools in 30 minutes, but we have to teach them to talk to us. This can be done with returning to the major successful historical tool known as the family dinner. Start simple… with Sunday dinner, and a NO SCREENS rule. No tv, no smartphones, put all the technology away. Even though kids say they don’t want to spend time with the family at dinner, they really do. They crave attention, but they just don’t know how to ask for it.

Journal Prompt: Normally we have something for you to journal about, but this week it’s an assignment. Sit with your family and create goals together. Personal goals, financial goals, school goals, and family goals. These can be things like exercising 3x’s a week, planning a yearly vacation, academic goals for your kids.

Dream

dream

Winners and champions are dreamers. How many people in today’s society have lost their dreams? Answer: A BUNCH! After you have freed your heart from the past, it is possible for you to enter the dreaming and vision phase of your life plan. Dreaming does not necessarily have to be about having things, it can be about your children’s wedding or a vacation. Winners and champions have VISION. They have the ability to stop and envision the future. It is exciting to be around entrepreneurs who have the ability to envision. It is no surprise that our world relies on entrepreneurs to create jobs when the government cannot. This group of people are fearless. They take risks. They are visionaries. Here’s an example of one of my visions and how it affected my life.

After a bit of soul searching and thinking about what I was passionate about, I discovered what I call “searching for the miracle” in every case that came in my office. I wanted to be part of my clients obtaining freedom rather than being a part of getting them off of criminal charges. Searching for a miracle was especially helpful if my clients were suffering from alcohol, drug, or sex addiction. This is the recovery defense. Once you’ve witnessed the victory via the recovery defense, it is one of the most rewarding feelings you will ever feel. The client is free and healthy and reaps the benefit of his hard work by winning. Winners don’t beat the system. Winners become leaders who give back and make the system better. The recovery defense is an out-of-the-box art form that presents various options to the client, judge, juries, and court system.

Journal Prompt:
What are your dreams? Have you lost your dreams along the way? If so, why? List the things you would like to do. List the places you would like to see. What would you like to look like? What are your emotional dreams? Spiritual dreams? Material dreams?

Free Will

free-willIs free will a gift or is it a responsibility? I think it’s a little of both. Free will is a gift because God did not have to give it to us. It is a responsibility because it is so powerful that it has to be managed. God gave us all the free will to make our decisions, choices, and career paths in life. Successful people manage responsibility well. Our free will and decision-making process can be affected by the way we were raised, by life-defining moments, mental or emotional disease that may affect the way we make choices. I believe that everyone has tapes {negative and/or positive} that may affect the way we make decisions. Negative taps may be broken by personal choices and replaced with positive tapes that lead to better choices. Once people identify the negative audio they are playing over and over again, they are able to achieve a real breakthrough. I sincerely believe that God wants us to live a life of recovery and not a victim-driven life that will affect our free will. If you have anxiety or depression issues, it’s important to get those under control with help of a doctor. It is difficult to make healthy decisions when you’re dealing with depression, anxiety, or a number of other physiological diseases that aren’t managed. The beautiful gift is that we all have the answers inside of us and the God-given ability to change the tapes. It might take adding all new tools in your toolbox, such as strength, forgiveness, self-worth, and faith – but the beauty will be the miracle you become when you uncover the new you.

Journal Prompt: What negative tapes do you wake up with every morning? How does it affect the way you live your life? What positive tape does God want you to hear every morning? What changes do you need to implement to hear God’s voice every morning?

Choices

choices2You cannot wake up every morning and PUSH! unless it is your choice. It’s an intentional decision, each day. A choice to PUSH! Champions make good choices. The choices they make tend to be continually positive and progressive, taking them in forward motion toward their dreams. In my profession, I have seen over and over again how one bad choice can lead to a lifetime of distress. Sometimes it is just a non-choice that causes the problems – for instance, a lack of attention to a problem at home, or a lack of communication with a teen. We all make bad choices. It is how you recover from them and how you handle the majority of them that matters.

Journal Prompt:
Write about the worst choice you ever made and how it changed your life. Write about the best choice you ever made and how it changed your life.

Trust

TRUSTWhen someone has been the victim of something that had value in their lives, it is not uncommon to develop an inability to trust. If you were betrayed, abused, or deceived, chances are you lost trust in whoever did that to you. Trust is usually the first trait to go once a person is victimized. A victim will quit trusting themselves as well as others. A lack of trust can impact relationships and create conflict. If you are totally honest with yourself, you trust very few people in your life. These are your inner sanctum of people, your first layer of friends. You can always depend on them for honest feedback and they are the ones that have your back when you go into battle. Then you have a second layer of people you trust, but you don’t let them in all the way. The third layer are the people you have to be around even if you don’t trust them. The key is identifying who belongs where.

 

Journal Prompt:
Identify who are in your first, second, and third layer. Write about why each of them are in the layer they are.

Stop-Start

stop_start2You cannot wake up every morning and Push! if you are confused and unfocused. You must remain focused on your goal, your family, your dream, your success. Everything starts with our belief systems. If you have a limited belief system, you will live a limited life – STOP. START believing in yourself, then you will have a fulfilling life. Winners are givers and difference makers. They are high-energy achievers who want more in their lives. Align yourself with winners. These will be people outside your comfort zone and they will stretch you immensely. It STARTS with self-awareness. Winners know the choice of being a winner starts with them. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. It is a basic principal of life and it is the truth. Life is about choices. Successful people are timely, and respect others’ time. They are responsible and committed to finishing the task at hand. Think about the friends you know that are committed to God first, family second, and their job third. Chances are you like them, because they are givers, not takers, and they are winners in life, love, and family.

 

Journal Prompt:

How can I lay the drama down and lead a responsible life plan? If you’re facing adversity, ask yourself where is this taking me? Am I overcoming or being defeated? What behaviors do you need to STOP and what behaviors should you START? Write what you imagine your life would be life if you STOP the negative destructive behaviors and STARTED doing the positive healthier ones.

Forgiveness

forgivenessAnger is the poison that kills you while it is directed at someone else. Many times in my career I’ve seen how the seed of not being able to forgive destroys lives. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean what happened or what a person said or did was okay, it’s not your approval of it. Forgiveness is letting go. Forgiveness removes the power something or someone has over you, essentially eliminating it from your mental and psychological life. Forgiveness is the pathway to freedom in your heart.

 

Journal Prompt:

Who do you need to forgive? What do you need to forgive them for?

Victim

victim_roleThere is a time in a person’s life when they have a negative defining moment. A loss or trauma that turns your world upside down. You wake up the next day, you feel differently, act differently, look differently, and living life becomes a challenge. What’s left behind is a hole in your heart that you try to fill because you cannot handle the pain. Your choices change in order to fill the hole. The circumstance has made you a victim. However, if you get stuck in victim mode it is hard to be successful at anything. Sooner or later you have to be accountable for your life, your choices, including the emotions you are feeling. Life is a challenge in which people have to learn to rise up and continually grow, give, love and serve. It’s about making you a stronger person until you have reached the potential or destiny that God has for your life. You cannot do that if you are stuck in limiting or destructive beliefs of a victim.

 

Journal Prompt:

What was the defining moment when your world turned upside down? What did you do? How did you feel? What do you believe about yourself because of it?